sincere thoughts
Ah. Maturity. Super fun becoming a mature person. And if you're a Christ follower, it's even more fun dying a little bit more - day by day - to your flesh. At first my flesh really did hate it. It sucked giving up my "God-given-natural-knee-jerk-reaction" feelings. I learned those didn't do much for me. They broke up a lot of relationships and did a number on my physical and mental health. Sometimes life didn't feel fair especially if I was right but was wronged somehow. I felt I should be able to spew about it to anyone I wanted and even seek revenge, dang it! Ha! Oh yes, I did feel that way. But like I said, it didn't bode well for me physically or mentally. So, one opportunity (of trials) at a time, and over a long span of time, I realized...dying to myself really is better.
There isn't a lot I value in life anymore. I'm not very sentimental. I'm not super emotionally intertwined with many. Work is work. Things are things. But I DO value my peace. I realized over time that doing things God's way allowed me to keep that beautiful measure of peace I learned to appreciate. So, I have to not speak sometimes when I want to spew. I have to serve when I want to run. I have to be thankful instead of complain. There are even times of extreme loneliness instead of being surrounded by the wrong people. Ultimately, through these things, I mature and keep my peace. Maybe it's the many years of listening to Joyce Meyer, but to me, it's 100% worth it. Even though my journey has been hard, I'm thankful for it. His Life in me brings maturity and peace. I no longer live, but Christ lives within me.
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August 2018
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