sincere thoughts
The idea of rest seems foreign to some of us. There is just so much to do, so much to accomplish in a day. Sit down and gaze at the clouds - what!? People who do that are lazy! Ever think this way? I have. Until I decided to do a season of resting. I eliminated my distractions and forced my (very social) self to be alone, read the Bible and journal. The first week I felt like someone was physically ripping parts of me away. I ached. I longed for interaction, but I had made a choice to "rest." It was hard at first, but after that first week, I got in a rhythm, and after a couple weeks, I couldn't wait to just be alone and think on things and write in my journal and read the Word. That time was revolutionary for me. It didn't change my normal living too much after this appropriated time, but it allow me to understand and value REST.
Rest rejuvenates us. It helps us remember what is important. It allows us to be energized for deeper thoughts and greater creativity. It eliminates distraction so God can speak to us again; that still small voice becomes a little bit louder. Rest centers us. It allows us to hear our very breath and begin an awareness of the stillness of life that doesn't seem to exist in the busyness of our "normal" days. This season of rest spoke to me in a way that no other time did. It allowed me to value the idea of resting in my work as well. I have this natural perfectionist idealism in life and so much striving leads to burnout. Now I can rest while I work because my attitude was reset. I know ultimately I can only do what I can do, and God has to do the remaining part. Working out of a place of rest is also very life-giving in this way! Stress levels are reduced and joy is added in large measure! John 15:5-8 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." When we rest in God, we bear much fruit...we can ask whatever we wish and it will be done for us...it glorifies God...and shows that we are disciples of Jesus. I'm telling you, it's worth it. Let me encourage you each and every day to REST in HIM. He is the SOURCE. Just sit in His lap and listen and be led. This life is about a journey with God. Don't forget that in the midst of busyness.
0 Comments
Hello friends. I may not have posted on here in a while but it doesn't mean that life isn't
happening and my brain is not functioning. So much has transpired since last I posted; where to begin? I went from having no active social life to being involved in the Young Professionals and Christian Singles group. I went from doing no music to leading monthly worship nights and filling in for a church Sunday mornings, as well as singing in our local community choir. I've also stepped up my game as "auntie kate" and am doing respite work on top of my normal weekly visits. All that to say LIFE has kinda become CRAZY BUSY again. Years ago I thrived on "busy." I didn't realize that feeling of usefulness from busyness got its hooks in me until I wasn't "busy" and I felt this deep emotional and physical ache inside. It was like I was detoxing from the craziness of life. I didn't want to detox. I wanted distraction and running. I wanted to not slow down until I had to... But I found that REALLY weakened my spiritual life. I remember doing a media fast a couple years ago where I sat in my chair looking at my bible and journal and wanted SOOOO BAD to text someone or call someone, or do something else. I didn't want to get quiet, and I didn't want to just be with Jesus. Ha! What a good follower I am. But I forced myself to. I said, "self, shut up, this is good for you." And you know what? MUCH came from that time. I invested in my relationship with the ONE who determines my destiny. I got closer to my best friend. I had revelations of my shortcomings so I could honestly face them, and begin to grow and mature. I deepened my fellowship with Holy Spirit; I learned His voice. You may ask: is it good to be busy with lots of different activities and LIVE life? SURE! But not to the point where we cannot carve out time to get quiet and invest in our spirit/soul as well. I kinda see it as our spirit and our soul are the foundations from which our body lives. What is inside WILL come out through our actions, thoughts, motives, facial expressions, and words. So, isn't it important to BUILD on our foundation so we can live a great and fruitful life? Challenge: make time to get quiet and get with God. You will NEVER regret it. Let’s get real. No one wants to be alone. So, as a young 20-something I went online to find a date. Having some sort of idea of what I was looking for and knowing I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, I began the “get-to-know-you” phases with different guys. Honestly, I found shallow men with varied interests that did not match my own. I kinda found myself preaching to them more than flirting with them… Whoops.
After college, as I was starting my first job, I met a guy online and he came to meet me. I was a little nervous, so I had him meet me and some friends for lunch, then we all took a walk by Lake Michigan. He & I chatted a while, then he kissed me on the cheek, left and I never heard from him again. Didn’t expect that. I decided to stop online dating to try my hand at meeting people in person. My job had me in the public eye, and I met some guys I actually spent time with but I wasn’t able to find anyone who seemed to be compatible. So, in my late 20’s I thought I would give online dating another go. I met a cool farmer guy. However, after a couple months he decided that I wasn’t “it” for him and stopped contacting me. Then I got matched with a cute military guy who took a huge interest in me. After talking for months, and then exchanging Christmas gifts with him/his kids, we met and I found out he wasn’t divorced, he was married still. Nice… I decided to walk away from the online scene again. I began to work on myself…ya know, that whole “become the person you want to marry” kind of thing. I began exercising and eating well. I began investing time into my passions and had started a new job. Apparently this made me attractive. So I went online again. I met a guy that had nerdy-sort-of-potential, but one time we were making out and he stopped to drink a glass of water…after a huge drink, he came right back to kiss me again. Um. Awkward. He listened to weird 70’s rock music and was obsessed with antique signs. A bit much for me. Bye-bye thirsty-sign-guy. At that same time, I had attracted interest from a local guy so I began to hang out with him. At first I wasn’t attracted to him but after we spent time together, he charmed me. My heart got entangled and I fell for him. Hook, line and sinker. Then after 8 months, he decided I wasn’t “it” for him and he wasn’t ready for a relationship. That pretty much broke me. I cried. A lot. And my life seemed so quiet. I hated quiet. So, I went online and found another guy... He was cute, ex-military, and really liked me. This guy, after knowing me two weeks said, “Wow, I want to marry you. You’re beautiful, smart, talented, and sexy.” Because he came on so strong, and so fast, I became a bit guarded…and to be honest, I wasn’t totally over the previous guy yet... This new guy used all the right words, but used all the wrong actions. He was good at THINGS, if you know what I mean, but did other things (like DAILY communication with a lot of other women) that showed me he wasn’t mature enough for a real, lasting relationship – and I got confirmation from his trusted friend. I broke it off with him - a few times! And then finally it was over… I felt alone, so I found another dude who was 100% wrong for me. We started as friends, but it morphed to more...I knew a relationship was never gonna work out, but I was still sad when he ended our communication. He was most like a friend than anything. But after he said adios, I was alone again and my world was quiet. So I started on a string of men just trying to make me feel better about myself. (Note to self: never a good idea) There was the guy who was super helpful on home projects but he decided to date my sister! One guy met me for dinner and after making a comment about our table, he said, “Oh my god, are you OCD?” I’m like, “no.” Then he proceeded to go into this really weird place and tell me all about his ex-girlfriend and water spots on the glasses. He said the F word like, um, no joke, 55 times as he told me the story. I just sat there staring at him…we awkwardly said goodbye after the meal. There was foreign accent guy who told me all about his affair with a flight attendant and made YouTube videos of himself sitting without a shirt singing and playing his guitar… Tourette's guy... One-armed guy… You name a brand of weird, and I've probably met him! Then I just stopped. I could not go on. I was in a bad place. I was 34 and felt like crap about my life. So I took a break from all of it for two years. I worked on me. I worked on becoming mature, getting over past crap, and being healthy mind-body-spirit. Then…yes….I jumped in again. I met a guy who I thought had potential. He and I talked daily. He was funny and really nice. I went to meet him. We had a really nice weekend! He kissed me goodbye. We text normally for two days, then NOTHING. Crickets. I went on his FB page and he was there with another girl…one who lived significantly closer to him. Seriously. It really hurt my feelings. I thought he was different. I thought I was different. I just wanted someone to recognize that I’m worth the effort to know… I was feeling so sad. I waited a month, then joined yet another online site and met a man. My list of “wants” in a man had been whittled down to one thing at this point. I just wanted someone who was nice to me. After so many duds, this new guy was extremely thoughtful. He was kind. He was caring. He was chatty with me. He was a man of integrity. He was a hard-worker. He thought of what I would want over what he would want. He initiated texts almost every single morning. He called me. He facetimed me. He showed me he was into me. He paid for meals. He opened my door. He talked about moving closer to me. I went to meet him. He came to visit me. We met each other’s families. Things were amazing until he had an emergency surgery. It threw him into crazy fear mode. Two weeks later, he told me, I cannot move to be with you. I choose my own life here, and that means NO YOU. Ya. After 6 months of amazingness, he just ended it. I was so sad. I didn’t sleep. I could barely eat. I had thought “this is the guy I want to be with…this is the guy I want to share my life with…” Funny thing about that though… We can be so sure and the other guy can choose the opposite. Well friends, after 15 years, 50 first dates (nearly), and a few real relationships, I can honestly say, I’m done. I tried. I gave it my all. But this cannot go on. I think my efforts have been valiant, my progress has been noted, my maturity has blossomed, and my experience has proven…um, comical? I do know I can live a happy, healthy, vibrant life without a relationship. I just thought I wouldn’t have to. But after my track record, I accept it. I accept my life. Its fullness. Its emptiness. Its joys and its sorrows. I accept what I give and I accept what I get. And I choose to be thankful. This (sometimes) painful road has been one of lessons and growth. I am even thankful for that. If ever that time comes to be with someone new, I KNOW I will not have met him online. As a natural born "spender" I'm choosing to be a "saver," one dating site at a time! ;) Ah. Maturity. Super fun becoming a mature person. And if you're a Christ follower, it's even more fun dying a little bit more - day by day - to your flesh. At first my flesh really did hate it. It sucked giving up my "God-given-natural-knee-jerk-reaction" feelings. I learned those didn't do much for me. They broke up a lot of relationships and did a number on my physical and mental health. Sometimes life didn't feel fair especially if I was right but was wronged somehow. I felt I should be able to spew about it to anyone I wanted and even seek revenge, dang it! Ha! Oh yes, I did feel that way. But like I said, it didn't bode well for me physically or mentally. So, one opportunity (of trials) at a time, and over a long span of time, I realized...dying to myself really is better.
There isn't a lot I value in life anymore. I'm not very sentimental. I'm not super emotionally intertwined with many. Work is work. Things are things. But I DO value my peace. I realized over time that doing things God's way allowed me to keep that beautiful measure of peace I learned to appreciate. So, I have to not speak sometimes when I want to spew. I have to serve when I want to run. I have to be thankful instead of complain. There are even times of extreme loneliness instead of being surrounded by the wrong people. Ultimately, through these things, I mature and keep my peace. Maybe it's the many years of listening to Joyce Meyer, but to me, it's 100% worth it. Even though my journey has been hard, I'm thankful for it. His Life in me brings maturity and peace. I no longer live, but Christ lives within me. So many things in life have gone topsy turvy over the last couple months. I asked a friend, “What is God doing if EVERYTHING in life that you thought was secure is falling apart?” Her response? “God is rearranging, sanctifying, maturing you, and giving you an opportunity to practice what you learned in the last season.” Huh… So this season is a test. If I can label this time as such, perhaps I can see a productive way through it.
These past months have challenged me in every way. I think back to my prayers and my declarations of the previous season. “I will go anywhere. I will do anything. I am yours, God. You are enough for me.” But around every bend of surrender is an opportunity to walk it out. God begins to form and fashion times and places to live inside what we confess. Were my words merely words, or will I rise to the challenge? Can I walk this narrow road? Can I get through this storm if Jesus is sleeping? Will my faith arise and see me through? Three months ago God said to me, “ABIDE.” I was in a happy place. I took it as a reminder from Him to make sure I am spending time with Him. I know now I took it lighter than He meant it. I didn’t know that my happy place would be shattered in a matter of days. But when it was, I crumbled. By speaking that word to me, God was calling me to abide in Him. Not seek MYSELF or my own desires, but HIM and His desires. He wanted me to find my identity and purpose in HIM alone...especially when life's storms rage. Abiding in Him means my flesh is in pain. But God isn’t concerned with pleasing my flesh. What He IS interested in is forming LOVE in me. He desires to see His very nature/image in and through my life. He is interested in using the life (the one I profess to yield to Him) for His purposes in revealing LOVE to this world...to be a shining LIGHT into the dark world in which I live. This only will occur if I'm abiding in HIM... Oh God, I choose to abide in You... Let’s be real. Life can bite sometimes. In the past I responded to disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, and life’s frustrations by lowering my expectations to the level of my experience. By doing this, it made me feel hopeless, negative and cynical. I know I am not alone in this. So, let me encourage you...
The height of our expectations will play a major role in determining the experience of our lives. We must learn to keep our focus on the end goal and not get bogged down in the disappointments of our journey. If we can keep the BIG picture in mind, the daily/weekly/monthly disappointments will feel more like a pit stop than stopping ground. Consider a pit stop. What do you do? Fill your tank. Get rid of waste. Stretch your legs. Spiritually speaking, when we encounter disappointment, we have a very real need to be refueled. God is our refueling station. He provides safety, encouragement, love, hope, and direction. Those needs draw us to Him. We remember how much we really do need God; we realize we cannot do this thing called life on our own! So, during those pit stops (when we turn to Him), He refuels us. Since he works all things for our good, He uses these hard times to refine us to be more like Him, so we can truly be who He desires for us to be. As this journey progresses, we become the best versions of ourselves, our unique God-given personalities saturated with His presence. So, if you’re disappointed, discouraged or hopeless, let me encourage you. Step back. Take a breath. Pull over into the refueling station. Consider the bigger picture. Ask God for help. Let Him help you. Start again. This isn't the end, my friend, it is just a refueling point along the journey. God asked me, HAVE YOU LEARNED TO LOVE? My response included staring with my eyes widened. But I know that LOVE YOUR ENEMIES is real. Not just a suggestion. Heck, I have a hard time loving my neighbor, let alone my enemy. And what does that even look like anyway? Well, I experienced it.
If I am honest there is a person in my professional life that I do not care for…we are just polar opposites. I appreciate certain traits in people. This person is smart, and good at what they do. If I had to conjure up a compliment, that would be it. This particular person did some stuff that I detest. My natural self says they don't deserve God's love or mercy. At the same time, my spirit-man rises up and says, LOVE LIKE I HAVE LOVED YOU. (isn't this life a constant battle of flesh vs. spirit?) This person is going through a lot of crap right now. Before I knew what my fingers were doing I asked if I could pray for them. Before they answered, I just started typing a prayer. By the time they said, an extra prayer or two can't hurt, I was nearly done typing my prayer; I clicked SEND. There it was. I prayed for them. The Spirit spoke to me in that moment: KATE, THAT IS LOVING YOUR ENEMY. I must admit the whole thing happened pretty much without me THINKING much about it. Like, my fingers were typing a prayer that if my brain stopped and thought about, wouldn’t have been filled with love, care, or concern. My human-self just doesn’t care about this person. But my spirit-man cared A LOT. Could this be? Could it be that my prayer for the Father’s compassion to rise up within me and the prayers of God enlarging my heart to break off the crusty, stone-like exterior have been answered? Could it be that GOD does want to use my hands, feet, mouth, and heart to LOVE MY ENEMIES…to LOVE HIS ENEMIES? Matthew 5:43-48 Nothing like a good dose of reality to knock one off their high horse... Ever get to the point in life where you feel like you have life by the tail and nothing can shake you…? Then in a few short days you’re feeling quite devastated? Ya, that pretty much sums up the week for me.
It’s dangerous to get to a point in life where everything feels like it is good and going “right”. I’ve decided if there isn’t a little trouble somewhere in life, just wait five minutes. (Isn’t that what they say about the weather?) I hate to be Debbie-Downer. I know life comes and goes in seasons but wow, was it evident over the course of these past weeks. Beginning March 1st I joined a movement to fast and pray for America. I gave up a few things that I thought took up time and my attention, so I could better focus on God. Day one, fail. Day two, fail. Day three, fail. I’m on Day 21 today. I failed already. It’s only 10 in the morning. Sigh. I went to a friend to confess and ask for prayer. She sent lots of good encouragement. One thing she reminded me of is that there are times when God reveals our weaknesses. He is a good father so when He reveals it, it is never to harm us but rather to draw us to Himself. His one desire is for us to draw closer to Him in love. He loves us. So viewing our experiences through the filter of God’s love allows us to go through “stuff” in better form. It allows us to understand life from a LOVE point of view, instead of just our own limited view (which I confess has left me quite broken in the past). If we simply do not understand God is Love, and everything He does is for our good (because He loves us), then we live believing a lie. In the past I believed lies about God that hindered my success in life. If we live life thinking God is angry at us, we begin to blame Him for things. If we live life thinking we must perform to get His love, we tend to become bitter. See how believing lies can really mess us up? Take it from me, and don’t go down those roads. He loves us. It’s just that plain. God loves us. Open up your heart and allow Him to embrace you with His Love. Let God embrace me with His Love??? But I’ve tried and failed over and over and over and over. I’m not worthy of His love. (lie) I’m not worthy of His grace (lie). I’m a failure (lie). God doesn’t love me (lie). Let’s stop believing the crap in our heads that is contrary to the truth of God’s Word. Let’s instead read God’s Word, and let THAT become our truth in which to believe. 1 John 4:9-10 “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” 2 Corinthians 12:9 “…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Hebrews 12:1b-2a “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith…” So. We failed? So what!? We ask for forgiveness. Receive it. Forgive ourselves. And MOVE ON. There is a race to be run. Let's not miss out on the race by losing sight of it from lies in our heads. Lies nail our feet to the ground. Jesus has given us the freedom to RUN. My choice?? I choose to run. True Confession: I am weak. He is strong. I am human. He is God. I still need Him. In fact, I need Him more and more and more as the days progress... (Pssst, that's okay because I know He's drawing me ever closer to Him in Love) What's your choice? I HATE RELIGION. Don't get me wrong. What the world views as religion and what I view as religion might be different. We all call things by multiple names now that we all can define things as we see them in this culture. Relevant truth, right? Ugh....
Last night someone labeled me as "religious". It made me want to vomit. However, to someone who doesn't know how Jesus defines that word, this probably made perfect sense to them... "Kate talks about God, therefore she is religious." So I guess the counterpart would be never considering God at all makes someone non-religious...?? Trying to wrap my head around the logic here. You see, I view religion as a set of ways/rules made up by man to connect with God through ritual... What I believe is that God came to seek me, and He did so through Jesus. My job? Receive what Jesus is offering. Himself. His Sacrifice. Freedom. And out of me receiving Him, a relationship is formed between the God of Heaven and myself... It's out of this, that I live. I believe in God. I believe He created earth, and all people and things that dwell here. I believe there was a garden and original people, yes Adam and Eve. I believe God wants to dwell on earth with us. I believe sin separated us from God. Man did something God told him not to do...this was/is called sin. God still wanted to have a relationship with His creation. According to Heaven's Laws (yes, Heaven is a Kingdom, with laws of its own), a blood offering had to be made to restore relationship between God and man. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe He is the Son of God. I believe God desires a relationship with His creation so much so He sent His one and only Son to reconcile His creation to Himself. He gave His Son as the perfect offering to all mankind so we could reconnect to God. Why so drastic? I don't know. That's God's ways, and His ways are higher than mine. But what Jesus did was make a way to the Father without us having to pay for our sin. Jesus took all our sin upon Himself, and opened up a way to the Father. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe Jesus sent us the Holy Spirit when He resurrected after his death on the cross and burial for three days. I believe the Holy Spirit is the third 'person' of the Holy Trinity and helps us. I believe He reveals truth to us. I believe He comforts us. I believe He leads us. I believe He counsels us. I believe the Bible. I believe it when it says how this world will end and Jesus will come again. I believe He will defeat Satan, and Jesus will reign here on earth for 1,000 years in peace. I believe the enemy will ultimately be destroyed and God will come and live in the earth with His children...as originally planned. Radical? Absolutely. Make me an outcast? To some. How do I know it's real? Because I've experienced God the Father, Jesus His Son, and Holy Spirit firsthand. No one can beat down my personal testimony because they cannot change it or make me believe it didn't happen. What I have experienced in my life is personal. My story. And I would never stand for something that I didn't believe in... It takes someone who is willing to die to reputation to follow Jesus Christ. Everyone wants to "fit in," including me. But what is MOST important to me is pleasing my Father because I LOVE Him... He is the One who desires me. The One who pursues me in relationship with Him. He has proven Himself faithful and loving over and over and over. We are called to love others, as the Father has loved us. And I do. However, my focus/attention/life's purpose is on the Father, not people. Guess that means I'm "religious" to others. Well, good news? I don't accept labels from people anymore. I used to... I used to believe what people said about me...good and bad. The problem with that is when praise turns to hate, it can really mess someone up. Or if praise turns to a greater amount of praise, it can really mess someone up. We aren't meant to be torn down or built up in people's eyes. We are meant to be shaped by the One who created us. God labels us. Because He is a perfect Father, we can believe what HE says...all the time. He calls us His Beloved. He calls us Chosen. He calls us Redeemed. He call us Forgiven. He calls us Treasured. He calls us Blessed. He calls us Delivered. He calls us Free. He calls us Lovely. He calls us Worth it. He calls us Righteous. He calls us Mighty. He calls us Warriors. I would take God's label over man's label any day of the week... How I live requires faith. Ya, it might be "out there" to some, but the way the world lives (without God) is "out there" to me. Having faith requires a lot of rejection from this world, but that is nothing compared to what is waiting for me in eternity. I choose to live for a greater purpose, one beyond myself; one that fears God (in respect), and one that honors Him (by loving others). So, religious is what you call me? I just call myself LOVED BY GOD...and so are you. I am just aware of it and you're not...(yet). "God so loved the world, that He gave His One and Only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 With yet another school shooting, I am reminded how dark this world is and where the world is headed before Jesus comes to rule and reign (according to Revelation). Now is the time for the Body of Jesus to draw ever closer to the Father’s heart. To get to a place where we KNOW His voice and His presence, so that when the evil one comes we will not be swayed…
We all get caught up in “life” as we know it here on earth. But the reality is if we profess to be Christians (i.e., Christ-followers), then our true citizenship is in Heaven, not earth. Sure, we’re not going to be transported to Heaven directly after we become a Christian (because the Lord needs us to be the hands and feet of Christ here until He comes again) but our citizenship is of Heaven, nonetheless. We do not need to forfeit being human (having families, getting involved with the things here on earth, be it sports, groups, parties, etc.), but I would like to remind myself and everyone that what really matters is our relationship with God, and out of that, receiving the call of God on each of our lives to be a spirit-filled witness. I am reminded of the story of Mary and Martha. The Lord commended Mary for sitting at His feet. Listening; absorbing; seeking to know Him; just adoring Him. Let me encourage you that God longs for you to sit at His feet, with no other agenda than to seek Him and absorb what He desires to speak to you. We were given the greatest gift; the gift of REAL LIFE. But so many of us attempt to LIVE with very little one-on-one connection to the LIFE-SOURCE Himself. The church setting is fine, but it is not going to feed you. Going directly to the Father will feed you; really feed you. So, let me challenge you today. Seek the Life-Giver in the midst of this day; this week; this month. Connect to the One who will give you rivers of living water; the One who will re-energize and re-charge you. The One who will breathe LIFE into you every time you connect with Him. The One who will heal wounds, physical, emotional and spiritual. The One who LOVES you. The One who died for you to have everlasting life. Start by getting alone and say, “God I’m here to meet with you; come and meet with me.” Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 |
blogA place to share my insights and thoughts about life. Archives
August 2018
Categories |